All the boring stuff...

  Here are a few thoughts of mine that I would like to get off of my chest. I am typically a very outspoken person, but I would rather not stir up commotion with any sensitive minds. I have strong opinions and beliefs that I don’t mind debating about with rational, understanding FRIENDS. I am not going to post these on any social media sites because of the backlash of closed-minded, disrespectful people. Enjoy.

 Why is it okay for someone black to say, “ as a black man… blah blah blah; black people this, black people that; She is a strong black woman, etc.” but if a white person says anything about color (even their own) they are discriminating and racist? Double Standards. Why are there scholarships for Hispanics and African Americans? Just for their ethnicity? They grew up without struggle since they grew up in the 90’s when there was no longer segregation. Hmm… Double Standards. Why are there colleges and groups for African Americans? If there were a college for “Caucasians” it would be sued for everything it was worth (and more) for discrimination. Double Standards. Just to be clear, I would rather our entire world see no COLOR. I am the most open-minded person you will ever meet. If you are reading this, then you know me. Since you know me, you completely agree that I am the first person to advocate equality for ALL. All I am saying is… Is our nation built on strength and equality or hatred and double standards? It is sad that the latter one is all that I see, even with my young generation.

  While we are speaking of HATE and double standards, let’s talk about this recent presidential election. I have never in my life seen such negative, disrespectful people until after OBAMA won the election for his second term. Friends were insulting friends. Families were being torn apart. Our country seemed to be at war with itself. The stock market plummeted. Silly Americans, don’t you know that were are only harming ourselves when we react in such a way? I just don’t understand. One American actually had the audacity to hang his flag upside because he didn’t like that OBAMA won. (His words). If you don’t like the way this damn country is run, then get the heck out of it! I bet you would be back after a week. Can you believe that riots actually broke out on election night? It literally disgusts me to see people act so irrationally. Why not just keep your damn mouth shut and deal with it? The election was fairly won. You cannot change a damn thing now. You did your part- you voted. If you didn’t vote, then please keep your mouth shut. You have no right to bash anyone or voice your opinion on something that you didn’t take part in. All that we can do now is move forward. Make changes starting with you! When you start to become a better person it will be contagious to those around you. Next, move onto your household and family. Then together you can reach out to your community, your city, and your state. If we all did this, then and only then, we could improve as a country. A president can only do so much. He cannot snap his fingers and make everything perfect. The changes that he does try to imply get denied and bashed regardless of if they affect you or not. For you ignorant folks out there- our president is not the only one with a say in what laws are passed and how things are done. There are MANY others that every law and idea has to be approved by. I would say the only thing that our president can do without needing approval from an entire council is reach out to those that are in need. Which I must throw in, I don’t EVER recall BUSH doing. Obama has personally visited the victims and families of the Colorado Movie Theater Shooting, those affected by Hurricane Sandy, as well as the families/town of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. To those of you who actually struggle or even middle class: Would you rather have a “business man” in office or an empathetic man in office? Really think about that. Back to my point: If you want change, make it yourself!

  In the wake of the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragic shooting, I have to say… Do we care more about our right to bare arms than the safety of our loved ones? Maybe sacrificing this freedom would save lives. You can argue all day long about having the right to protect ourselves by owning a gun, BUT just for a second actually think this one through: What if the average person weren’t allowed to own guns? What if the ONLY guns that existed were those in the possession of state and government officials? The homicide rate would decrease dramatically. I bet it would decrease by a good 80%. You wouldn’t need to be armed with a gun to protect yourself from someone without a gun. How WOULD you protect yourself you might ask? There are other weapons out there: knives, Tasers, etc. There are classes you can actually take to protect yourself. Any other weapon that we could possibly own would make it nearly impossible for one individual to successfully execute someone, much less a group of people. The weak and innocent would no longer be targets because you can run from a knife; you can survive a knife wound. It is very rare for an individual to survive a gunshot; most survivors, and there are not many, have some sort of physical trauma after being shot. If guns were made illegal for an average citizen to possess then our beloved brothers and sisters would actually have a chance at a life! We would have an opportunity to watch our children grow up and build lives on their own. Get rid of your views for a second. Take a step away from your closed-mindedness and really think: What is more important- your right to bare arms or your children’s safety? What is more important your opinions or love? Would you want to risk losing your life or your loved ones life, rather than give up your guns? It is sick, how many people don’t look at this situation in this way. People actually want to arm MORE people! People are actually talking about arming TEACHERS! Really? So they can have a bad day at work and shoot anyone that rubs them the wrong way? After this tragedy, after losing 27 beautiful souls, 20 of them being innocent children, are you still not willing to give in? What else needs to happen for you to open your eyes and your minds? This is one of the biggest tragedies in our nations history. It shouldn’t be possible for ONE person to take the 27 lives within minutes. Remember this: Giving in doesn’t mean you are giving up. It means you are strong enough to do the right thing.

Well that is all that I have for now. I am out of school for a few weeks, so I may be ranting again soon. Give and receive LOVE & Be Blessed.

CRAVE

 I have loved you since the day that I met you (September 11, 2005), which I remember so well. I feel so guilty admitting this, but I only walked into the building that day because I had to. The deal was if I wanted to go to Disney ( I was like 16, what can I say?)I had to go to church that Sunday morning. I walked in not knowing what to expect, but definitely not expecting to ever come back again. As I sat there I felt so comfortable, as if this is where I was meant to be. The music, the atmosphere, the Christians around me- the love that I felt was so overwhelming. I had never in my life felt so loved, felt so happy. In your arms, Lord, is exactly where I knew that I belonged.
 I never believed in You before that day. I never really thought about You before that day. I was never introduced to you, before those moments and I had never sought You. Honestly, I never knew who You were. After that day, my entire life changed. I was introduced to an entire new group of people. People that loved me, just because. People that consoled me when I needed it and people who ALWAYS had my best interests in mind. I grew closer to you each and every day.
 Since I met you, I don't believe that I have ever prayed to you without becoming emotional. Just the thought of unconditional love and of everything that you sacrificed for me is more than I can fathom. I am so grateful of every moment in my life that led up to the day that I fell in love with you. Just thinking now, I am at a loss for words. I cannot even begin to describe how you make me feel. I am so in love with you that I can barely contain it. I truly don't want to contain it. I want it to explode. I want the world to look at me and see you. I want to change lives through you. I want my world to revolve around you.
 I am not there yet, but I know that I will be soon. I have been marinating myself in The Word so much that it is almost all that I can think about. I have never felt this close to you and I sincerely want more. I literally CRAVE you Lord. In your arms is the only place that I want to be...
 Thank you for opening the doors for me to come back to you. I am so blessed to have been welcomed into such a wonderful church, where only the TRUTH is spoken and only LOVE is given. I was lost Lord and now I know exactly where I am meant to be.

I don't want to love you anymore...

We were never really friends. It was silly of me to turn to you as if you were a friend. With every conversation, I expected more. I always thought that maybe this time you would say something different. Maybe this time you will tell me that your feelings have changed and that you made a mistake. Nothing ever changed though. Like a fool I held onto something that never really existed in the first place.

  I want this all to end, but how many times will I say goodbye before I actually mean it? I just want it to all disappear- the bond that we had, the connection between us, the feelings that I have for you. I don’t want to think about you any more. I don’t want to get excited when I hear from you. Honestly, I don’t want to hear from you at all. I get my hopes up when I do, but it isn’t your fault. I don’t want to hear your name or picture your face anymore. I don’t want to miss you any more. I don’t want to love you any more.

Limitless

So much is expected when you are young. We expect to grow older and have the perfect job, the perfect partner, the best friend, and an amazing life. The truth is that we grow and things get tougher. Feelings fade, friendships are torn apart, emotions become confusing, and we are only left to wonder, when?

  When will things become real? When I say real, I mean honest. I mean true. I mean meaningful. With age comes heartbreak, betrayal, and disappointing realizations. I am not being pessimistic, just realistic. I know that things will get better, then worse, then better again. It is just the cycle of life. Eventually the ache that I have now will be replaced by new and different emotions.

  I will understand the reason for all of these struggles one day. I don’t want to wallow in my own pity, but I am really disappointed; In myself mainly. I would really like someone that I can tell everything to. I want a damn companionship that does not have any limitations.

 I yearn for someone that understand me fully and is completely open and honest with me. I am sick of chasing after this high that someone I love gives me. I want to be the high that someone cannot live without :( It would be so satisfying to call someone up and tell them every damn thought in my head, without them judging me or rushing me or misunderstanding be or becoming offended.

 My time will come, this I know. I just hope that I learn to patiently wait…

Until Eternity is Sore

 The hope still lingers in me but I do not hold onto hope, for it holds onto me. Giving up on you would be giving up on myself; I cannot let myself down, no, not this time.

 You are so far away, but so close to my soul. I go back to our first kiss and the warmth of your heart still consumes every ounce of me. The risk, the softness, the longing. The realness of it all, still so alive inside of me.

 How could you ever not be mine? The Notebook, but I am Noah and you are Allie. I can't let go, while you are steadily trying to forget. Something will always be missing. You and I both know it. It will never be the same, a comparison never to be met. I will write and go without response, just as Noah did.

 Knowing the harm that I am bringing to myself is not enough to stop me. I am compelled to write. A force within me will not surrender. The woman that I am will never fully shine, without you to brighten me each day. I will work, work, work to distract myself, but at the end of a long, rough day you will always be there, waiting, at the back of my mind, ready to remind me of all that I want. All that I love. All that I am missing.

 The moment that I feel I can make it through, you will spring back up. Just as you always do, bringing my spirit back to life, as only you can do. This is my life. This is my heart. It should belong to me and me alone, yet somehow you hold it in your hands. You forget it is there. You neglect it, then nurture it back to health. You wait until the last beat and resuscitate it just enough to keep it going a little longer.

 The beauty that resides within you, makes my body ache with hunger. Everything about you is almost more than my heart can bear, yet I want more; every second, of every day. Every night with you was one that I wished to last forever. If given the chance, I could talk to you forever and if we ever ran out of words, our silence together would be enough to keep me satisfied forever. A silence full of words, that don't need to be spoken. A bond full of promises, that can never be damaged or broken.

 I wish I could say the right words that would make you mine forever, but only the words of your heart can be trusted forever.

 All that I need from you is one compulsive act, as Allie with Noah. Just one impulsive decision to visit me, one last time and I will show you that it isn't the last time. That there could never be a last time, with you and I. I will show you that everything that has ever happened in your past was for a reason. I am the reason. WE are the reason.

 It is easy for you to forget when you don't have the memories staring you in the face. Unlike you, I am living with the memories. In this house. In this town. In these letters. In this heart. It all started less than a year ago and less than two months ago it was over. Just like that. It feels like a lifetime since I've heard your voice speak softly about your lovely heart's feelings for me. It seems like decades since I have seen your beautiful face, yet it feels like I've known you for a thousand years or more.

 And I will hold you here, in my heart, until eternity is sore...

The Solo Life

 Why do we spend our entire lives searching for someone else? Why is being solo NOT comfortable? Being with someone should be rare, special, sacred, and unusual. We should be content being alone with ourselves. It should be a new feeling being in a relationship with someone, not the other way around.
  Why do we long for so much more when we have so much within? Finding a lover should be significant. It should be unexpected. It should be miraculous and brilliant. This is just some food for thought.

My goal is to be comfortable solo. I will turn to GOD when I feel lonely, not a casual relationship. Thank you Lord.

Let's do this one more time. Unfinished

Your soul is the most magnificent thing that I have ever touched.
Your heart holds the most comfortable warmth that I have ever felt.
The whisper of your voice chills my spine.
Let's do this one more time...

Your lips are made of the most natural honey in existence.
Your name is the most familiar tune that I ever experienced.
Your love is like a treasure that only I can find.
Let's do this one more time...

Unpolished and Unfinished- I call that Progress

I always swore that you were made of fine china.
When I broke you I was devastated.
My intentions were never to polish you and then shatter you.
I lost myself and then found myself after you.
Wrong melody, right song.
We were always meant to be,
Finding what I truly desired took some time for me.
Being alone for so long really advances a person's thought process.
I know where I am going, what I am feeling, what I want and need.
I call that progress.