As much as I love talking to him, I hate it all the same. It only reminds me of why I fell for him and why we fell apart. It reminds me of how much I cared and how much he didn't. It tears me a part to hear him talk about another woman... but at the same time I want to listen because I want to be there for him. Why do I want someone that is so bad for me? I know that it would never work out, but I feel like if he asked me, I would say yes. I know that I would give 100%, while he gave 50%. I know all these things... So what keeps me hanging on? Jesus, I feel like I am talking about David right now... this is terrible. He is David all over again... I knew this. I knew when we got together that he was just like David. I just had that little voice telling me that he isnt David and he could be different. I should have known... But at least in the end I can say that I tried, that I have my all, and took a chance. It was a lesson learned.
I feel like as I get older, I realize more and more that all of these wrong people were in my life for a reason... They tought me what I do and do NOT want in a husband. They tought me what to do and what NOT to do in a relationship. For that I am grateful. After all of these obstacles, there has got to be a prize at the end... right? I mean after holding on for so long. After picking myself up and fighting again and again, I am bound to receive a prize in the end.
I have decided to rebuild my relationship with God. I need to if I want complete happiness. I will never be happy without God in my life. I am doing my best to remember to pray every day, to look toward him when I just want to hide away. If there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it is in his arms...
No comments:
Post a Comment