Living Better Now

   If you have not noticed, Im a very difficult, bitchy, mysterious, passionate, unaffectionate, cold hearted, yet compassionate woman. Yep... thats me. Seriously, it is. Im waiting to give my all in my relationship, subconsciously I feel like I wait for the other person to give their all before I let it all out. Before I bring them into my "secret world" as my boyfriend would say. Unfair, that may be. I would change that about myself, but I don't believe that it possible. Well, I guess since I have recognize that it is an issue, than I can attempt to make the changes. I am trying, I really am.
   I want to become a better girlfriend, a better friend, a better employee, a better... person really. I have been working on myself a lot within these past few months. Others may not notice, but I know that I have changed and I guess that's all that matters. Ive done my best to bite my tongue when I needed too, to prevent an arguement or a debate. Ive done my best at work to keep a positive attitude and to be as helpful to anyone and everyone, as possible. It is difficult on some days though... It is a struggle, when you are making changes and they go unnoticed.
   A friend of mine recently gave me some simple, yet wonderful advice- "Dont take everything so seriously," she said. Its true... I am young. I need to relax a little, Calm down some. I need to remember where my happiness came from before... I should really do my best to stress less and LIVE more. I mean really LIVE. Ugh. I say all of these things and tomorrow I will be right back here, behind this desk, working an 8 hour shift, wondering when the heck I will find time to LIVE. When I am not working, Im sleeping. When Im not sleeping Im working... On my days off Im getting house work done or being lazy. I dont find happiness in the small things any more. I guess that all goes back to mind control and prayer. I need to let myself find happiness in the beautiful things. I need to pray more and worry less. I should really stop trying to control every little thing in my life and kinda leave it in God's hands. At least if I do that then I KNOW that I will go down the right path and find my smile in all the right things.
   I just dont want to end up like my parents- Living lifes that don't make them happy, Angry all of the time, ENRAGED over the smallest things, Unsuccesful, Alone.... I need to become the woman that my mother failed to become. I just need some friends by my side to help me, to push me sometimes. It will make me want to be a better person, If I am doing it for someone...